At the end of tomorrow’s vice presidential debate, the media will moderate another debate: “Which candidate won?” But that’s the wrong question. We need to ask, “Did the debate divide us even more?”
Our country is in a crisis of division, but we can’t fix the crisis until we understand the cause: It’s not our disagreements that cause our divisions; it’s treating each other with contempt when we disagree.
Whether it’s looking down on someone, making fun of them, or calling them names – contempt is poison for any relationship. In politics, even if what the candidates say is factually true, if they say it with contempt, they increase our divisions.
Yes, we need to stand up for what we believe in. But we need to learn to make our case with dignity for the other side. It’s the only way to hold our country together.
Three years ago, my organization, UNITE, created the Dignity Index – an eight-point scale that measures how we talk to each other when we disagree. This year, with the help of the research group More in Common, we formed an 80-person panel to represent the full range of American political opinion. That panel has been scoring political speech since March – with huge cross-partisan agreement on the presence of dignity and contempt in political speech, no matter who is speaking or what they are saying. Even very partisan members of the panel are able to acknowledge contempt when it comes from their side and dignity when it comes from the other side.
The panelists not only recognize dignity; they respond to it. Ninety-one percent of our panelists agree, “It’s important to me that politicians and media personalities treat other Americans with dignity and respect.” Eighty-one percent say, “I lose respect for politicians and media personalities who can’t treat their opponents with dignity and respect.”
That loss of respect leads to a loss of votes.
More in Common’s 2018 report Hidden Tribes popularized the term “Exhausted Majority” – showing that two-thirds of the country was worn out and turned off by contempt. Unsurprisingly, the Exhausted Majority includes many swing voters, who may well decide the election. Winning over swing voters is a priority for both campaigns, but it calls for a shift. With swing voters, demonizing your opponents doesn’t work. So how do candidates win over the voters who are sick of division?
We think it’s the candidate with a “dignity strategy” – the candidate who could interrupt a speech and say, “Even with all the disagreements I have with my opponent, I want to acknowledge that four years ago, more than 75 million Americans voted for her/him. I care about every single one of you, and if I win, it doesn’t matter if you never voted for me; I will never stop working for you.”
An effort to direct messages of goodwill to the other side is not just a wise ethical choice; it’s a smart political move. First, it can ease the anger of the opposition. Second, it can bring in swing voters who have been turned off by contempt. Third, it can increase the cost of the other side’s contempt.
If you speak with dignity to the other side, it puts your opponent in a box. Either they do the same, or they look mean. In an even fight, contempt is always embarrassed by dignity. One could argue, “Where is the advantage in using dignity if the other side uses it, too?” The advantage is to the country: If the candidates are competing over who can show more dignity to the other side, they really are competing over who can do a better job bringing the country together.
Here’s the good news: We don’t have to have a perfect record on dignity and contempt to start easing our divisions, we just need a better ratio. And if the candidates begin to meet the political demand for more dignity, the change can accelerate. There is still time before election day. First impressions matter a lot in politics. But in a close high-stakes election, final impressions can matter more.
